Forty (and Fifty) is Fine!

Quite a few of my clients are in their forties and fifties.  For many, it is as if they have awakened out of a Rip Van Winkle-like  slumber in a body they barely recognize.  As they rub the sleep of their youth from their eyes, they are shocked and dazed at the state of their disrepair.  “I don’t know how I got this way,” is a refrain I hear often.

Yet, as we talk, it is apparent how they got that way.   Step,  by step,  by step.  Priorities shift, self-care slips.  Realizing one no longer has the agility or metabolism of a 20 year old is a little like the feeling Dorothy had when she said, “Toto, we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

So we wake up and realize the rules have changed. We are not 20 anymore.  We can’t eat and drink anything we want.  We can’t stay up all hours of the night.   We can’t sit on our butt for 12 hours a day without it becoming very large.

We’re not in Kansas anymore.

In my early forties, I went to my physician, a woman also in her forties, for a check up.   She pronounced vehemently, “The forties suck!”  What was I to do with such encouragement?

I decided as I left her office, that I wasn’t going to drink the Kool-Aid of pessimism about getting older.

For me, there is a big difference between acceptance and settling.  Acceptance is a one of the gifts of aging well.  It makes us kinder and gentler with ourselves and others.  It causes us to appreciate our body, and take better care of it.   Settling, on the other hand,  is putting up with what I should never put up with.  It is resignation.  For me, settling is the S-word, a very bad word indeed.

I refuse to settle for inactivity, weight gain, ill health, lethargy or malaise in my 40′s.  To me, it is just not acceptable.  I honestly believe that I can be Younger Next Year (a great read, BTW).  I honestly believe there is a lot of life ahead, and just as I no longer settle for low quality food, I refuse to settle for a low quality life.   I will not be imprisoned  or limited by the choices I have made about my health and my body.  I can choose differently.

I can choose health.  Every single day, that is a choice I must make.

So whether you are forty or fifty– or twenty with a body that feels and looks much older than it is–wake up and take action to improve your health.

It may not be Kansas, but smack dab in the forties,  I’m here to tell you, The Land of Oz ain’t so bad.

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Go Past “Should” to “Want-to”

A silly little poem with a big point…..

There is a place called the Land of Should.
I visit there as oft as could.
I should do this, I should do that
I really should not be this fat.

I should jog and eat my greens
I should fit into my jeans
I should shop and I should cook
I should read that self-help book.

I should hit the gym first thing
Eat my oats, meditate and sing
Pack a lunch for work to take
And skip the office birthday cake.

I should drink more water, give up sweets
And all those other starchy treats
Limit stress, No Alcohol?
That doesn’t make much sense at all.

But just past the Land of Should
Is another Land that’s really good
It’s called the Land of Yes, I Want To
I feel its power through and through.

Suddenly, it’s not what I “Should”
But what I “Want”–now that feels good.
Yes, I want to be healthy and lean
Energetic, cheerful, and just plain seen.

I want a life that’s full as can be
I want a life where I am really me
I want vim and vigor and vitality
And no limits placed on me.

So go past the “Should” to the “Want-to”
It worked for me and it will work for you
Connect to what you want that’s good
And bypass that old Land of Should.

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Losing Weight Without Giving Up Chocolate

I’m thinking of renaming my weightloss approach to “Losing Weight Without Giving Up Chocolate”…..because, well, it works! I’m willing to give up certain things in the name of wellness, but chocolate is not one of them.   A day without chocolate is like a day without air…dead and lifeless.  Yep, I’m that serious about my chocolate.

Cacoa (pronounced kuh-KOW) beans are seeds from the fruit of the Theobroma Cacao Tree.  See–when you are eating chocolate you are eating a seed–think sunflower, pumpkin, etc…everyone knows seeds are HEALTHY.

The cacoa bean is rosted and ground into a thick chocolate liquor (non-alcoholic, sorry!).  If hardened, we get unsweetened chocolate, aka baking chocolate.  The fat that is pressed our of the liquor is cocoa butter.  Cocoa powder is the result of the dried and sifted remains of the liquor.

Cocoa contains flavonoids–powerful antioxidants that protect the body from harmful molecules called free radicals (they may be FREE but they do RADICAL things to the body).  Here are some other benefits:

  • contains antibacterial agents that fight tooth decay (tell that to your dentist!)
  • just the smell of cocoa raises theta brainwaves, resulting in relaxation
  • cocoa butter contains oleic acid–that’s the same good stuff that is in avocados which raises your HDL (good cholesterol)
  • cocoa raises serotonin levels (who needs Prozac? give me chocolate!)

Not all chocolate is equal, however. Those semi sweet chocolate chips in your Tollhouse Cookies?  Sorry, only 35% cocoa.  Milk chocolate has even less at 10% cocoa. And white chocolate?  No chocolate at all.  Sorry to have to tell you this.

Higher cocoa percentage equals more flavonoids, less sugar and a more intense, delicious flavor.    Aim for a minimum of 65% cocoa. If it doesn’t say the percentage on the package, don’t buy it.  Currently, I am up to 85% cocoa, and LOVE it.  This is for heavy lifters only, though, so work your way up gradually so you don’t get hurt.

To lose weight, keep your serving size around 100 calories/day. Target sells some great chocolate in individual portions, which helps minimize overconsumption.  Which is easy to do with chocolate.

Chocolate….your true friend on your way to wellness.

Breathe! Smile! Enjoy!

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Got Snot? Use the Pot.

Don’t misunderstand, I am not talking about the kind you smoke, I am talking about a Neti Pot, an Alladin’s lamp shaped teapot that irrigates the sinus passages.  The Neti Pot has been used for centuries in Ayurvedic tradition by yogis (people who practice yoga, not the bear).  Breathing is very important in yoga (and in life),  so obviously if your nose is stuffed with snot, your breathing experience suffers.  Kind of ruins the Zen, you know?

As a former sufferer of seasonal sinus infections, the Neti Pot works amazingly well, and I’ve avoided taking antibiotics for sinus infections for years (yeah!).

Ok, at first it feels kind of strange to pour water from a teapot into your nostril.  Initially, a bunch of the saline solution will go down the throat (but hey, your throat is probably sore from all that snot backing up, so it’s all good).  That just means you are tipping your head too far back.  Adjust a little and you will be rewarded with a little stream emerging from the opposite nostril.  For those of us that are easily amused, this is very entertaining (hey honey, you got to come and see this!)

If you are full of snot, then you may experience water going in but not coming out. (This is a metaphor for both nose snot and life snot).   You can alternately persist and blow, persist and blow or get a nasal irrigator that uses pressure verses gravity to force the water in.

Out of my deep gratitude to my pot, I have written this little ode, with a nod to my favorite poet, Dr. Suess.

I do not like snot in my nose,
I do not like to blow and blow.
I do not like my nose so red,
I do not like my aching head.
I would not, could not take a pill,
That dries me up and makes me ill.

Try the Neti Pot you say?
I think that I just may….

Hey!

I do so like this Neti Pot!
That rids my nose of vile snot.
Thank You, Thank You Neti Pot!
A happy nose is what I’ve got.

Ok, so it probably won’t get published, but I’m snotless and a little happier.

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Pushing Out the Old Makes Space for the New

I have this sectional sofa in my living room that seemed like a good idea when I bought it 9 years ago.  Now, not so much.  It is cumbersome.  It has limited configurations.  It smells like my pets.

I have been wanting to get rid of it for at least a year.  That hasn’t happened.  I ask myself, why?  Is it:

  1. I don’t want to exert the effort to get rid of it?
  2. I don’t want to spend the money on a new sofa?
  3. I have sentimental attachment to it?
  4. I’m afraid of the empty space it will create?

(Or, to get really deep, Who am I without my smelly sofa?)

All though 1-3 are really applicable, I realize that 4 is most relevant.

Empty space equals transition–the place of undressed-ness between taking something off and putting something on.  Transitions are VERY uncomfortable (think birthing a baby).  Transitions make me sweaty, confused and scared.  Transitions make me moan and squirm and curse (still thinking childbirth, here).

Moaning and cursing aside, empty space creates questions.  Like, “What’s up with the big, empty room and no couch?”  Empty space is unsettling.  Like a need that needs filling and me not rushing in to fill it.

That makes me really uncomfortable.

Perhaps a mind shift is needed here.  It is said with any stressor you can:

  1. Change the stressor.
  2. Change how you think about the stressor.
  3. Get rid of the stressor.

Having attempted the first with my couch (I now have Febreze-scented pet urine), and the second (thinking thoughts of gratitude that I even have a couch didn’t stop the assault on my senses), I am ready to get rid of the blasted thing.

So maybe–here’s the mind shift–an empty space can mean something else.  Like hope.  Like promise.  Like a sofa that doesn’t smell like my cat’s butt.

I’ve decided that shoving out the old isn’t so scary after all.  I’m taking deep breaths during the transition.   I’m creating space for something new.

Question:  What “stinky couch” have you been putting up with?  Ask yourself honestly and kindly, “What’s keeping me from pushing out the old?”

Then take action.

Relax during the transition.  Position loving people around you to give you ice chips and a cool washrag and words of encouragement.

And even though the empty space may look like inaction to some, to me it is action.  Imperfect action beats perfect inaction every time.

Post script:  The room sat empty for 3 months.  Then I found not one but TWO leather sofas that are perfect for the space :)

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When You Are Tired, Rest

Remember naps in kindergarten?  At an appointed time the teacher would very happily proclaim, “Nap Time!,” and like dutiful little soldiers, we would roll out our mats and lie down.

We needed somebody kind and warm to tell us to rest.

We still do.  Even my 5 month old grandson does.  When he is tired he is irritable, he pouts, he says things he doesn’t mean (in baby language, of course)  and he is generally not as much fun to be around.

Sound familiar?

Oh, I rest, you say.  I rest when I watch TV, while checking out Facebook, while helping my son with his homework.  I rest while tweeting and eating and reading a magazine.  I rest while driving and talking on my cell phone and learning Spanish from Berlitz.

That, my friends, is not rest.

Rest is long periods of staring out the window in thoughtless wonder.  Rest is feet up in the middle of the day.   Rest is slow, deep breaths.   Rest is a gentle stroll.

Resting is slowing and sometimes full out stopping.  Resting is forgetting about tomorrow or yesterday.  Resting is putting our ever restless mind on pause if  only for a little while.

As my yoga teacher says, we are not human-doings, we are human-beings.

Resting is being.

Remember when you were a kid on the merry-go-round and some big kid was pushing it with ferocity, ever faster and faster?   Everything in your vision was blurry, your stomach churned, your head hurt, and you just plain wanted off because suddenly you realized this wasn’t fun anymore?

What did you do?

You screamed, “Stop!” and you jumped off.

This is the epiphany: merry-go-rounds are fast but they go nowhere.

So I am telling you (and myself) kindly and warmly: Stop.  Stare.  Listen. Breathe. Be.

Have a snack.

Take a nap.

Rest.

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Anatomy of a Toothache (part 2)OR How I Saved $700 on a Root Canal.

Ok, call me cheap, call me root canal phobic, or maybe you’ll just want to call me to borrow my oil of oregano.

Yep.  A simple herbal remedy has saved me $700.  Impressed?  Read on.

To bring you up to speed:  Tooth hurt.  Bad.  Tears.  Throbbing.  Gnashing.  Called Mr. Regular Dentist.  Prescribes the dreaded antibiotic.  (Latin for anti-life!) So even though I am anti-antibiotic, I took the stuff.  I’d like to think it was because I am compliant to authority figures, but that would be self-delusional.  I took it because my dang tooth hurt, healthy gut flora be damned!

The pain stopped. Smiling resumed.

Mr. Regular Dentist follows up– You may need a root canal.  Sends me to Mr. Root Canal Dentist.  Oh, you definitely need a root canal (duh!).

Miss Compliant’s tactic– ignore.

Mr. Root Canal Dentist: Oh no, we won’t let you ignore. ( Phone call.  Phone call.)

Miss Compliant:  OK!  How much will it be?

Mr. Root Canal Dentist:  ONLY $700! (as he pencils in his next golf vacation)

Miss Compliant:  But I really would rather have a new rug and coffee tables!  And I am holistic.  Do you know what holistic means?

Mr. Root Canal Dentist: Does it mean you don’t like spending money on root canals?

Miss Compliant:  Yes!

So I call up Mr. Holistic Dentist.

Miss Compliant:  Is there any way to avoid a root canal–I’ve read they can be dangerous and spread infection to other parts of the body–and I really, really like this brown and teal rug on Rugs.com.

Mr. Holistic Dentist: Well some of my patients have success with oil of oregano.  You could try that.

Miss Compliant: (hope rising)  I will, I have some in my cupboard!

(Requisite cautionary note:  Mix oil of oregano with olive oil otherwise it will burn your mouth like hot sauce.)

24 Hours Later…..Other than having the taste of an entire Italian Pizzeria in my mouth and the urge to sing, “O Solo Mio!”–I feel really great.  Sensitivity down 50%.  Now able to use the entirety of my mouth, instead of a few quadrants.

Score So Far:  Holistics–2   Western Medicine–0  ( I just started keeping score in October)

Moral:  Try the BB gun before you go to the AK47.  Cheaper and a lot less destructive.

Hey, come by in a few weeks.  If this keeps working, I can show you my new rug.

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Silencing the Inner Critic

Within us all, lies a critic.  He may be sitting quietly on the back row of our lives furiously taking notes, or in the middle frowning disapprovingly, or right up front shouting angrily and shaking his fist.  Nonetheless, he is there.  And as far as I can tell, he’s not leaving.

The inner critic is a powerful magnet, not unlike the ones used by third graders, who delight in seeing how many things they can get to stick at once.  The inner critic (IC–pronounced “ick!” because that is all he seems to say), delights in seeing how many foibles and falls and flat out failures he can collect.   Rude comments, raised eyebrows, whispers or stares stick too.  Failed grades, failed diets, failed relationships are particularly magnetic.  So are bad haircuts, bad skin days (or years), and being chosen last.  Bounced checks and messy cars.  Lost friends, lost money, lost opportunities.  Jiggly thighs.  Especially jiggly thighs.

The IC says things like, “That was stupid” or “Don’t get your hopes up” or “You don’t have a good track record” or  “You’ll never change” or “If people really knew you, they wouldn’t like you”…..and other such lies.  You know what they are.  You’ve heard them.  Although, they are usually said in first person and sound a lot like your own voice.  Or maybe your mother’s or father’s.  Or spouse’s.  Maybe they all rotate in your head in Sybil-like fashion.

Even though the IC can’t be killed, he can be silenced.  What silences him?  The truth.  The glorious, redemptive, truth.

Sure, you’ve messed up, but you’ve also done a lot of things right. Sure, you’ve lost some, but you’ve also won some.  Sure, you have character flaws, but you also have strengths.  I find it’s not the falling down in life that matters but the getting up.  Get up.

Getting up silences the critic.  Forward action silences the critic.

And if necessary, use duct tape.

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The Magic of Momentum

Momentum is a strange bird. When you have it, you know it. When you don’t, you don’t care.

I stunk at science in school. The only C I ever got was in science. Still, as a trained observer of life, I heartily agree with the principle of inertia, and find it applies nicely to health and wellness.

A body at rest tends to stay at rest.

A body in motion tends to stay in motion.

Yep. That pretty much sums it up.

So much of my practice is helping clients overcome inertia. Inertia, I have found, comes in many forms. Sometimes it is physical. Sometimes it is emotional. Sometimes it is mental. Sometimes it is spiritual.

Sometimes it is all of the above.

Regardless, the first step is the hardest. It requires the most effort. It requires the most energy. It requires courage. Sometimes it requires anger.

It requires silencing the inner critic that whispers “it is too hard” or “you can’t do it” or “it’s not worth it.”

BUT—and this is the glorious part—if you can just take a teensy baby step. then another teensy baby step. and maybe one more…you will find it get’s easier and easier.

THAT is the magic of MOMENTUM.

(you can do it. yes you can)

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Anatomy of Toothache (and other health problems)

I had a toothache.

I have endured natural childbirth three times, but I swear there is something about a toothache that makes me want to give all of my children’s inheritance to the first dentist that can put me out of my misery.

The pain started innocently, with a little sensitivity. It grew to noticeable distress when crunching on almonds on that side. I began to chew on the other side. Then the mild, local throbbing started. Which moved to my entire jaw, face and finally my entire head. Cogent thoughts or being pleasant were now out of the question.

Now the bugger had my attention. Now when it was full throttle, 4 alarm pain. Taking care of my tooth moved up my priority list dramatically. Whereas it used to be below “change the batteries on the smoke detector” now it was numero uno. Clear the schedule and find a dentist. ASAP.

I find that most health issues follow this course. A little weight gain can be ignored. A twinge of chest pain? Probably indigestion. Fatigue, acid reflux, nagging aches…who has time for these things? Chew on the other side.

But when the weight gain turns into prediabetes, or the chest pain a heart attack, or the fatigue to debilitating depression–ok, now we are listening.

Why do we wait so long? Honestly, what is more important than our health? If we don’t have our health, we can’t DO all the things that seem to supercede it’s preeminence.

I had a gentleman call me to set up a consult. He had just been diagnosed with serious cancer. He kept rescheduling our appointment. The last time I talked to him, he swore he would make time soon. After this next business trip. For sure. He commented, “You’d think I would make the time to do something about changing my diet…..”

I still haven’t heard from him.

Make your health a priority.
Start with finding a good dentist.

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